Episode 40: Escape the “I’m the Bad One” Program — End Shame & Self-Blame“If your brain keeps saying ‘I’m the bad one,’ you’re not broken — you’re running a program.”
If you’ve got that sentence running in the background — “I ruin everything… It’s my fault… I’m guilty” — then listen up. Because that voice isn’t “truth.” It’s training. It’s a memory. It’s a program. And once you see it as a program, you can change it. Get the free 5-day course here: linktr.ee/robertgenesmith In this episode, Crystal and I walk straight into what I call the inner courtroom — the place where you keep accusing yourself, sentencing yourself, punishing yourself… sometimes even through self-harm, self-sabotage, sickness, food, alcohol, isolation, or staying stuck. Not because you want misery… but because your brain learned that misery equals safety. And if you don’t update that learning, you’ll keep replaying it like a TV rerun. Here’s what you’ll learn: Why self-destruction isn’t chaos — it’s protection How guilt gets installed through family, culture, and religion Why “coping” can feel good but doesn’t change the root How your mind uses memories to trigger emotions, urges, and behavior What it actually means to update a memory so it stops running your life If you’re done coping and you want real change at the root, book a session with me. Don’t spend another year trying to “manage” what can be rewired. You’re not broken — you’re just running a program. And programs can be updated. 00:00 — The Sentence You Live Under: “You Ruin Everything” 01:17 — Self-Destruction Isn’t Chaos — It’s Protection 02:11 — “I’ve Heard This a Million Times”: The Guilt Loop 03:29 — Where the Guilt Program Comes From (Religion + Family) 05:34 — Why You Blame Yourself: “I’m the Worst” Thinking 06:53 — Parentification & Scapegoat Training: “It’s Your Fault” 08:16 — Cultural Scripts: Blame, Shame, and the Old Stories 09:40 — Relationship Sabotage: “I’m Not Good Enough” 10:29 — Punishment Wiring: “I’ll Hurt Me Before You Do” 11:13 — You’re Not Broken — You’re Running a Program 13:05 — Perfectionism Built on Fear (When “Wrong” Means Pain) 15:06 — The Black Sheep Identity: Blamed for Everything 17:36 — Why Sickness Can Feel Safer Than Being Seen 19:04 — The Rebellion Program: When “Be Positive” Backfires 20:34 — Making Meaning Out of Pain: “I Chose This Life” 22:50 — The Math of Memory: Dad’s Gone… So Who’s Doing It Now? 24:33 — The Payoff of Misery: Keeping the “Shitty Furniture” 42:51 — Coping vs Changing: Relief Isn’t the Same as Rewiring 58:27 — Make Friends with Your Unconscious: Learn the Playlist 01:13:17 — Next Steps: Training, Sessions, and Live Help 01:15:25 — Closing: Be Your Own Personal Healer Key points of the episode 1. That “I’m guilty” voice is learned — it’s not who you are. 2. Self-blame is a survival strategy a child often adopts to feel some control. 3. Guilt programming can come from religious conditioning, family systems, and cultural stories. 4. Many “good people” punish themselves first so nobody else can “do it worse.” 5. Self-harm can show up in many forms: cutting, burning, neglect, alcohol, drugs, sugar, overworking, and staying in toxic situations. 6. Your brain links experiences: “neurons that fire together wire together” — pain can get linked with love, approval, or safety. 7. Sickness can become a hiding place: if you’re “down,” you’re not visible, not exposed, not targeted. 8. Problems shapeshift: the pattern stays, the surface story changes (“switching horses”). 9. The past isn’t happening now — but your memory of it can still run your body and behavior today. 10. “Updating the memory” means changing how it’s represented internally (images, sounds, feelings), so it stops triggering you. 11. Many systems help you feel better temporarily, but don’t change the reason you didn’t feel better. 12. Resistance often shows up as: “If I let go of misery, what happens next?” (familiar hell feels safer than unfamiliar peace). 13. The goal isn’t to be “fixed.” The goal is to take ownership and retrain what’s running automatically. 14. You can learn the foundation in Level 1: You Can Change Yourself — and build skills from there. Follow Robert: www.instagram.com/...nesmith_official/ FB.com/RobertGeneSmith www.tiktok.com/...rtgenesmith_official www.linkedin.com/in/robertgene/ #RobertGeneSmith, #CrystalDerksen, #FasterEFT, #Eutaptics, #EmotionalHealing, #SelfSabotage, #Guilt, #Shame, #InnerCritic, #TraumaRecovery, #ReligiousTrauma, #ChildhoodWounds, #SelfHarmRecovery, #NervousSystem, #MentalHealth, #Neuroplasticity, #MemoryWork, #EmotionalRegulation, #ReprogramYourMind, #StopSelfBlame, #HealingAtTheRoot, #Tapping, #EFT, #SelfWorth, #anxietyhelp Music from #Uppbeat (free for Creators!): uppbeat.io/t/trinity/into-the-red License code: JQRXRXSPUKMWVONS
Feb 25, 2026
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