Every October, right on schedule, the heaviness would come.
The drinking. The depression. The withdrawal that his wife described as seasonal affective disorder.
But when I asked what was going on around that time of year, the answer had nothing to do with the season.
One Christmas morning he went downstairs as a child, expecting presents, expecting the day to be what Christmas is supposed to be. And found his mother there instead. She had taken her own life.
And from that single moment his nervous system made a filing decision that it has honored every year since. Christmas equals the worst thing that can happen. And so every October, without him consciously choosing it, the brain started its countdown. Started bracing. Started expressing through his body what it learned that time of year means.
Not because of the shorter days. Not because of a vitamin D deficiency. Not because of a chemical imbalance that shows up every autumn and disappears every spring.
Because of a memory that his brain was loyal to. Running right on schedule. Every single year.
Now here is what I want you to sit with...
If there is a time of year when you consistently feel worse (heavier, more anxious, more withdrawn, harder to function ), and you have never been able to explain exactly why...
It may not be the season.
It may be what the season learned to mean.
And meanings, unlike the calendar, can be updated.
What time of year feels consistently hardest for you? Drop it in the comments. You don't have to know why yet. 👇
🎙️ Listen or watch the full Episode 42 of The Robert Gene Experience on Spotify or YouTube. Link in bio.
#robertgene #fastereft #seasonalaffectivedisorder #emotionalpatterns #subconsciousmind
Apr 2, 2026
